jogging, digressions, and Henri Nouwen

A friend (thanks, J!) emailed to me a book passage by Henri Nouwen right before I left to go home (already over a month ago, wow), and I was thinking about it this morning when I was jogging.

Before I continue, however, a small digression: I do want to share something that I always have meant to share about what it's like to go jogging in Kigali. When I was here two years ago, I wouldn't have felt comfortable going jogging, mainly because I was living out in a rural area where it was completely obvious that nobody jogged and I didn't want to create one MORE difference between me and the people I was living amongst (skin color difference: check; hair color difference: check; language difference: check....that, and more, was enough for one summer). I have since learned that there are many muzungus like me who live in rural areas who go jogging every day, and think nothing of it, but it just wasn't what I felt like doing. Maybe if my trip had been longer than six weeks I would have tried to figure out something.

Anyways, I am digressing from my digression (Victor and I call this "the web." Victor speaks linear-ly, in straight lines, and it is very easy to follow along, straight to the point he is communicating. I, on the other hand, speak tangent-ially, hitting one tangent, then another, then another, and finally will sometimes make it back to my main point. Maybe. Victor is a wonderful listener and I would like to publicly give him a ton of credit for patiently following along my web of thoughts, although I admit there are certain appropriate occasions when he very kindly tells me that he needs me to make my point. I asked him to do this, actually, and every so often he does, and that is just another thing I really appreciate about him. It's better than just tuning me out, which is the alternative, right? In fact, some of you right now, especially you Henri Nouwen fans, are wishing he were helping me write this blog entry, I know it.) Where was I? Oh yes. Digressing from the digression.

So, back to jogging. While I chose not to jog way out in rural Rwanda, here in the city of Kigali there are many joggers, and most of the ones I see are Rwandan. (And when I say "many" joggers, it's all relative: I will pass, perhaps, two joggers on average on any given morning, usually urban Rwandans). What I wanted to share is this: it is very encouraging to jog in Kigali, because whenever you pass a Rwandan jogger, s/he will usually do one of two things (and usually both):

1. clap both hands, applauding your jogging efforts. This is usually accompanied by a smile, a wide Rwandan smile that is just really hard to find anywhere else; and/or
2. shout, "Courage!" in French (which sounds like cour-AH-ge!!). The meaning is "great job!" or "keep going!"

So it's very nice. Especially when I first got here and was gasping for air, trying to adjust to the 6000 ft altitude, a little applause and a 'bon mot' went a long way to keeping me on track with my exercise plan. I wonder where the Rwandan jogging community picked up this nice encouraging habit. Imagine me doing this back in America? [Me to jogging passerby: "Courage!" with applause. Jogger: startled stare and silent look of "Freak!"] Jogging is so much more civilized in Rwanda, you know?

Alright, I just wanted to share that little slice of (urban) Rwandan life. And....I'm back to my original point. When I was jogging this morning, I was thinking about Henri Nouwen.

At first I wasn't thinking about Nouwen, exactly. I was puzzling out something in my head, kind of mulling it over and asking for guidance from God. It had to do with adventure, and God, and how much adventure He wants us to have, and what happens if we choose easy things instead of adventures. And whether or not we sometimes even use adventures to get out of things we should be doing instead. And how would we know the difference, anyways? I know, these are random things to think about, but I was wondering. Does anyone else ever have thoughts about not wanting to waste this one life we've been given? I think it's so easy to choose the safe thing sometimes; I see myself doing it over here at times. Kigali can actually be a very safe place (in the negative sense of "safe") if you make certain choices. But sometimes, "safe" is also boring, so sometimes we run from the safe when maybe we need to stay put and follow through with things sometimes. So, the bottom line of my train of thought, although I didn't realize it at the time, was "What will God think of me, and how will He treat me, if I don't do the right thing: i.e., if I choose the easy way out sometimes instead of the tough way? Or choose the tough way because I think the safe way is boring even though it might be the right choice?")

Anyhow, suddenly, a clarifying and helpful thought about this popped into my head, which is because of the Nouwen passage from my friend, copied below. And I suddenly had a measure of peace that I hadn't known a moment before...kind of like an it's-all-going-to-be-okay sense of peace. So, without further ado. Here's the passage:

“It is not so difficult to see that, in our particular world, we all have a strong desire to accomplish something. Some of us think in terms of great dramatic changes in the structure of our society. Others want at least to build a house, write a book, invent a machine, or win a trophy. And some of us seem to be content when we just do something worthwhile for someone else. But practically all of us think about ourselves in terms of our contribution to life.

But although the desire to be useful can be a sign of mental and spiritual health in our goal-oriented society, it can become the source of a paralyzing lack of self-esteem (the God-given understanding of our value as humans). More often than not, we not only desire to do meaningful things, but we often make the result of our work the criteria of our self worth.

When we start being too impressed by the result of our work, we slowly come to the erroneous conviction that life is one large scoreboard where someone is listing the points to measure our worth. And before we become aware of it, we have sold our souls to the many grade-givers. That means we are not only in the world, but of the world. Then we become what the world makes us.

We are intelligent because someone gives us a high grade. We are helpful because someone says “thanks”. We are likeable because someone likes us. And we are important because someone considers us indispensable. In short, we are worthwhile because we have success. And the more we allow accomplishments -- the results of our actions – to become the criteria of how we view ourselves, the more we are going to walk on our mental and spiritual toes, never sure if we will be able to live up to the expectations which we created by our last successes.

But to live a Christian life means to live in the world without being of it. It is in solitude that this inner freedom can grow. Jesus went to a lonely place to pray, that is, to grow in the awareness that all the power he had was given to him; that all the words he spoke came from his Father; and that all the works he did were not really his but the works of the One who had sent him.

In solitude we can slowly discover in the center of our own self: that we are not what we can conquer, but what is given to us. In solitude we can listen to the voice of Him who spoke to us before we could speak a word, who healed us before we could make any gesture to help, who set us free long before we could give love to anyone. It is in this solitude that we discover that being is more important than having, and that we are worth more than the results of our efforts.

In solitude we discover that our life is not a possession to be defended, but a gift to be shared. It’s there we recognize that the healing words we speak are not just our own, but are given to us; that the love we can express is part of a greater love; and that the new life we bring forth is not a property to cling to, but a gift to be received.”

Henri Nouwen

Okay, me again. Not too much to add to that...although there are many thoughts in there that hit me.

"All the works He did were not really His, but the works of the One Who sent Him."
"We are not what we can conquer, but what is given to us."
"Being is more important than having."
"We are worth more than the results of our efforts."
"Life is not a possession to be defended but a gift to be shared."
"The love we can express is part of a greater love."
"It is in solitude that this inner freedom can grow."

What do you think?

child survival program launch - Nyamagabe, Rwanda

A lot has been happening since I've been back....including some good news that a research project I'll be doing has a firm start date, about 10 days from now. Yay!! I am very thankful. More on that in a future post.

One huge event that took place last week was the official launch of the child survival program I'm working with. (You may wonder why the program is launching now, since the program is currently in its 18th month of implementation. I asked the same question, and someone explained to me that there needed to be some established activity underway in order to have something meaningful to present to the community. In case you wanted to know.)

While the mortality rate is improving (i.e., going down) in Rwanda amongst children under five, research still indicates that 1 of every 7 children dies from a preventable illness. And more children in rural areas (i.e., poor areas) are dying than children who live in urban areas. The purpose of the child mortality program is to help educate communities so that children will stop needlessly dying of sickness that could be avoided with a little hand-washing or an early trip to the health clinic.

"Launches" may be different everywhere, but here the launch was a well-planned event ("more planning than a wedding!" my colleagues told me). Program staff have spent hours and hours over the past month planning and prepping. The community health workers put together a program of singing and dancing, as well as staging a drama about how to prevent and treat malaria, and the children who are the beneficiaries of the program participated as well. A small "army" of children did a marching routine, at one point, and everyone was charmed! There was hired entertainment (drums, dancing, and singing), and the songs revolved around child illnesses and how there is hope for all children to be healthy. There were also speeches by the program director, organizational directors, and government officials.

The event was a success! Here are a few shots:


The name of the program is "Kabeho Mwana" in Kinyarwandan, which means "Life for a Child." There were a lot of children involved in the event, and they wore their t-shirts proudly (above).

The culture here is one of singing, dancing, drumming....it's awesome! Here's a shot of some of the hired entertainment performing a "basket" dance where the women move in extraordinary ways without ever toppling the baskets from their heads:


After the event was over, while I was waiting for the local media to finish interviewing Melene, I had a digital camera and was showing a crowd of children their pictures. They rarely get to see images of themselves; most probably don't have mirrors in their homes. It's strange to think that these children may not even really know what they look like! So it is easy to become the Pied Piper as long as you don't forget your Canon 470:

the graciousness of uncertainty

One aspect of living in a developing nation is that there is a revolving door of expatriates. There are always people coming, always people going, always people in transition. While change is a universal experience, it seems to be magnified here.

For example, I was hanging out with several friends this weekend, and the majority of them will be either leaving the country soon because their term of service is up, or if they're staying they're transitioning jobs. For me, my uncertainties revolved around whether or not I can carry out my upcoming research project with the excellence that is expected, and also the uncertainties that lie beyond some imminent certainties. I know my life will be changing soon...that's certain. What will come after those changes....I don't know!!

So, in the midst of our conversation about how change is never easy, especially when the immediate specifics of the future seem so uncertain, I excused myself to use the restroom and found the following excerpt from Oswald Chambers posted next to the bathroom mirror:

THE GRACIOUSNESS OF UNCERTAINTY
"It doth not yet appear what we shall be." 1 John 3:2

Naturally, we are inclined to be so mathematical and calculating that we look upon uncertainty as a bad thing. We imagine that we have to reach some end, but that is not the nature of spiritual life. The nature of spiritual life is that we are certain in our uncertainty, consequently we do not make our nests anywhere. Common sense says - "Well, supposing I were in that condition . . ." We cannot suppose ourselves in any condition we have never been in.

Certainty is the mark of the common-sense life: gracious uncertainty is the mark of the spiritual life. To be certain of God means that we are uncertain in all our ways, we do not know what a day may bring forth. This is generally said with a sigh of sadness, it should be rather an expression of breathless expectation. We are uncertain of the next step, but we are certain of God. Immediately we abandon to God, and do the duty that lies nearest, He packs our life with surprises all the time.

When we become advocates of a creed, something dies; we do not believe God, we only believe our belief about Him. Jesus said, "Except ye become as little children." Spiritual life is the life of a child. We are not uncertain of God, but uncertain of what He is going to do next. If we are only certain in our beliefs, we get dignified and severe and have the ban of finality about our views; but when we are rightly related to God, life is full of spontaneous, joyful uncertainty and expectancy.

"Believe also in Me," said Jesus, not - "Believe certain things about Me." Leave the whole thing to Him, it is gloriously uncertain how He will come in, but He will come. Remain loyal to Him.

(Me again.) Now, that is just like God to put His two cents into a casual evening conversation between friends. :) They were definitely words of wisdom and also comfort. When I re-joined the conversation out in the living room, I mentioned the restroom revelation to the group, and the girl whose home it was (and who had posted it in her bathroom) went and got Chambers' book, My Utmost for His Highest, to read the passage to everyone.

"To be certain of God means that we are uncertain in all our ways..." What do you think?

a happy trip home....

I have been back in Rwanda for a little over a week now, after a totally fun, totally whirlwind trip home (my sister got married!!!)! This delay in blog posting is mainly because I've had a lot of trouble posting photos since I've been back. For those of you who have been checking the blog, thank you for your patience and sorry for the delay!

There's so much to say about the trip, and maybe my thoughts will surface on this blog in the coming posts, but mainly I just wanted to thank all of you who are reading this who made the trip so special. After the wedding, I had the blessing of driving to CO with my parents (I love road trips and some quality time with Mom and Dad was great) and then I got to go to CA for even MORE fun times! There are countless moments that are etched into my memory...

...sharing a caramel apple with Vic on a mall bench (there are no caramel apples in Rwanda...and worse yet, no Vic in Rwanda! So it was a happy day)...
...enjoying Hyman's in downtown Charleston with 12 other extended family members I rarely get to see ("who doesn't love Hyman's?")...
...spending some quality time at the beach...
...seeing my beautiful big sister get married to a fantastic man (yay!!! See photo, above)...
...experiencing a fabulous Southern wedding reception on a boat(!)...
...devouring a huge and tasty steak with my parents in Kansas (in Bob Dole's hometown, in fact)...
...para-sailing (more stories to come...!)...
...being blessed by friends at a brunch at home (thank you!!)...
...getting caught up with the ladies at lunch...
...enjoying Interior and even an Africa Hope prayer meeting...
...being surprised by apple fritters from a friend (Kim, you're awesome)...
...having some of the best hosts ever in CA (here's a shout out to Brad and Leslie, who wondrously accommodated the continuous 80 mph pace of the visit)...
...watching Vic's brother get married to a lovely lovely woman (more yays!! See photos below)...
...experiencing another fabulous wedding reception (this time boat-less, but still absolutely gorgeous)...
...meeting so many fun and new people at the reception...
...eating octopus, sushi, and kim-chee with Vic's extended family...
...spending an evening with the Odendaals et al. in Lake Forest (thanks again!)...

It was a fantastic trip. I am happy to be back in Africa too, but it has been a super busy week, so I'll have to catch you up later on. But in the meantime, here are some photos of the trip:

More of the bride (and groom):






Bride and proud proud bridesmaids.... (This is at the reception. We did cry at the wedding, but not too much! We were having too much fun! Way to go, Al!!)


Meet the parents, looking sharp:



Then it was on to CA, for Vic's brother's wedding. Here's an "exclusive" shot of the back of a wedding guest's head with the beautiful couple in the background (and yes, I do need to learn how to take photos, you're absolutely right...JenDiz, help!):



Here's the happy couple in football jerseys:



Here are my two lovely friends who hosted a brunch for me in CA (totally sweet of them):



Another shot from the brunch (thanks to George W. for the great photos!)



There are more photos, but I want to get this posted!! See you again soon.